Navigating the waters of intimacy after having children can be difficult. This can be especially true if you're a lactating person. There are many emotions going on when it comes to our bodies and our breasts or chest postpartum - it can feel like your body belongs to the baby, not to you. For some people, it can be hard to feel that they’re a sexual being when they’re nurturing a tiny human with their body.

This thinking may be why some people are hesitant to share their body with their partner. The feelings make discussing this topic uncomfortable. Is this a topic for our OB, lactation consultant, or our friends? It can be tough to find someone that won't judge us and will provide us with useful and honest information? Sit back and grab a glass of your favorite beverage, let's have an honest chat about sex while lactating.

Your sex drive could be non-existent

It’s common for many new parents to have no desire for sex. Crying babies, lack of sleep, adjusting to life with a new baby, and hormonal shifts can make sex fall off your to-do list. Prolactin, the hormone that stimulates the mammary glands to make milk, is also known to suppress estrogen (a reproductive hormone) which can reduce your sex drive. Does your partner mentioning sex make you laugh out of sheer absurdity? You’re not alone.

Your breasts/chest may be off limits

Many parents report feeling “touched out” from the frequent feeds or pumping, and may not want their breasts/chests involved in any kind of sexual activity. It’s important to be clear with your preferences when speaking to your partner. A caress can quickly kill desire and put an end to the romance. In addition to feeling touched out, some people have trouble reconciling that their breasts/chest can be sensual and functional. If you prefer your breasts/chest not be touched, you are not alone. It’s not a weird or unusual way to feel while making milk. On the other hand…

It could be all about your milk makers

Some people want just as much breast/chest play during sex as they desired before children or nursing. Some women have reported that breastfeeding makes them feel more feminine and womanly due to larger breasts. Different strokes for different folks - literally. If this is you, then get it! Be sure to communicate touch, pressure, and other things with your partner to keep the sexy vibe going.

Lubricant is your friend

Many milk making parents report vaginal dryness and little to no cervical mucus. This is due to low levels of estrogen. Even if you want to have sex with your partner, the dryness can make it uncomfortable. A good personal lubricant will help, as will taking your time, and letting your partner know how it feels. If you think that you have enough lube, add a little more. Communication and lubricant are key!

You can have letdown during orgasm

This is a big one that often surprises many couples. Oxytocin is one of the hormones responsible for milk ejection reflex or letdown. It’s a smooth muscle contractor that plays an important role in childbirth as well. It is also the hormone that is released during an orgasm. Breastfeeding mamas report milk ejection reflex at orgasm, which can be embarrassing or uncomfortable for anyone involved. If reading this section made you cringe, you can leave your bra on during sex to prevent an accidental spraying.

You might not be ready

Once you’ve gotten clearance from your health care provider and have figured out contraception, remember to move at your own pace. It’s also important to remember that being cleared by your OB or midwife doesn’t mean that you’re ready. You just went through major life and physical changes! You may have hemorrhoids, soreness, or you just may not be there mentally and emotionally.

Remember that intimacy can be so much more than intercourse. Communicate your needs to your partner and be sure that they are communicating their needs with you. Finding alternate ways to connect, such as massage or doing an activity together, may be what you need until you are ready to connect with sex. You may have to get creative or plan ahead for intimacy, but the extra time and work is usually worth it.